Tag: Goals

Creating Space

Learned candle making T Rookwood in Cincinnati
I learned candlemaking and choosing scents at Rookwood in Cincinnati.

Whew! The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of activity – mostly good, but between writing, traveling, tours, and musical performances (in the audience, not on stage!), I have been busy. I knew that this period was going to take a lot out of me – physically and creatively, but I had just enough margin between activities that I could pause, rest, and get back into whatever was coming next.

What I have come to realize is that I need more margin in my life, even though my workload is considerably lighter than it was three years ago. Some call it cushion, others use the term buffer, but I have learned to be more intentional about including pockets of space in my schedule to regroup before dashing off to the next thing. 

This shows up in a few different ways, but here are the main approaches I take to being intentional about creating space in my life.

Looking at my time by the month, week, and day

I have both a digital and paper calendar because I like the ease of scheduling digitally, the ability to easily share and invite others to events. However, I also love paper, stationery, and writing things by hand, so I use my paper calendar for key events and also as a written record of my life. Coupled with my journals, it gives me a way of looking back, which has been particularly useful in writing personal essays and my memoir. I tend to have a good memory for what lies ahead but I believe having the two calendars helps. 

I color code events so that at a glance, I can quickly identify a couple of things – when I am traveling, which means I need to build in buffer days before and after a trip. When I look at my week, I notice which days are already full, and when possible, make sure I add a slow day in there to catch up on admin tasks, work in the yard, or spend a relaxed day at home.

Allowing More Time

The other way I create space is by allowing more time to complete tasks, arrive at my destination, or to get ready before I head out the door. It’s not because I am disorganized; it is because I don’t like to rush. I am always going to be a bit early for a flight, get to the meeting five or ten minutes ahead, put the card or gift in the mail with plenty of margin. I remember when I used to go out with my mother and she would sometimes feel the need to rush because she did not move as quickly as she used to. I would say to her, “We don’t have to rush, we can take our time.” And each time, I saw her shoulders relax, comfortable that she was not slowing me down. That is how I have decided to treat myself – that there is enough time to do what needs to be done and I don’t have to rush around, which I find stressful. Even building in ten extra minutes can help with leaving the house for a meeting. And when working on writing projects, I do the same thing, working at a pace that serves the work and me.

Ignoring the Nudge that Says I Need to be Doing More

Sitting still does not come naturally to me. Perhaps it is because of decades of jobs and responsibilities that required me to be always ready, always moving. But if I really want to enjoy what I call “my calm season,” then I had to learn how to sit myself down and ignore that sense that I should always be doing something. What something is, I am not always sure, but for years I was always looking for one more thing I could take care of. Others notice that about me too; once one brother commented that me and another brother are always looking around for something to do. Maybe it was a sense that I did not want to fall behind, or that sitting still was unproductive. Whatever it was, I am working on it.  

Nowadays, when I feel that inclination to get up and “look” for something to do, I stop and ask if it has to be done now, or if I am just restless. There are days when my next action is to observe what is happening near me, or take a breath until the urge passes. On another day, I might choose to read rather than start a chore. Lately, since it is warm outside and I can sit on the screened porch, I have taken to listening. I sit still and simply listen for the sounds that are around me. I might hear birds, a car driving past the house, the intermittent hum of the air conditioner cycling on and off, or the click of my pen if I am writing. Stopping, just to listen, is another way of building a pause into the moment.

Limiting Commitments

I don’t say yes to every invitation or request, because I realize that saying yes to one thing means a no to something else. If it means I have to miss time I need for rest, a personal priority, or quiet, then sometimes I have to say “No” to opportunities, or rearrange my schedule so I have the space that I need to feel my best. 

What is Next

I am entering a season where I will be learning new skills, which takes time. I won’t be able to do everything, and that is fine. I’ll start most mornings with movement of some kind, before I journal, and get back in the chair to write. But the afternoon will be my time to pause, when I can chat, read, daydream, paint, or do whatever seems appealing in the moment. Yes, I like a schedule and a plan, but my plan for this season is to enjoy the opportunity for learning and creativity while maintaining the space for renewal and planning I need. 

Reflection

Do you have the quiet space, the time to pause, that you need to feel your best? 

Until the next time, peace.

Ramona

A New Season

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Summer might be almost over, and it is if you follow the meteorological calendar which has autumn beginning September 1. We’re past back to school season which always feels like a fresh start, at least for me. But this year is different. No longer working or employed for an organization, I am back to doing what is my first love – writing.

The word retirement – if that is what you choose to call leaving regular paid employment – doesn’t quite capture this phase of my life. I have full days, and wonder how I got so much done when I had to balance the professional, personal, and creative. I have enjoyed writing since I was at least six, and I remember the many stories I wrote and read, mainly about animals, during those first years of writing. Even while during corporate work, then nonprofit – arts, education, etc., the call back to writing never seemed to leave. So here I am, with the time and freedom to go back to the page. Last week I was part of a writing intensive, a good way to immerse myself in craft with a writing community. In between talks about writing, revising, and publishing, we also completed writing exercises, many of which will develop into complete essays.

Tending the garden (what I call yardwork), resuming my Pilates practice, having fun with family and friends, attending live performances (saw Bob James a week ago), are other ways I spend my time. And sometimes I do what appears like nothing, which is a big shift for me and something I need to almost talk myself into; I am so used to running full speed every day. But it’s all good. Like autumn, it is a good time to slow the pace, wrap up some of the old projects, and make sure everything is settled for the season I am about to enter. 

Choosing What I Need

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Tonight, I am thinking about this question – are there times where you give up your ability to choose what you need? I don’t mean those areas where you make a certain decision because you have to, or because someone, perhaps a child or partner, is counting on you. I am thinking about the little decisions we make where if we just stepped back, we might be able to say ‘No” or “Not right now,” or even “Yes, yes, I can make time for that…because I want to, because I need to.”

Now more than ever, with so many of us feeling stretched to the limit, it is important to exercise the ability to consider what is best for you and not automatically doing things the way you always have. I am reevaluating my “shoulds” to make sure they are in alignment with my goals – personal, professional, spiritual, and creative.

Workshop News! Write.Pause.Reflect

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The last two months have been busy—I launched my workshop series, Write.Pause.Reflect, in October and have been planning and delivering workshops, connecting with friends and meeting new people who are interested in reflective writing.

Write.Pause.Reflect is for anyone who is interested in using writing as a tool for managing stress, situations that cause you to worry, thoughts that keep creeping up, or issues of concern. Expressive writing, pioneered by James Pennebaker Ph.D., uses writing as a way to improve health, including mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. In April I experienced and learned the techniques, and after my first day I knew this was a method I wanted to share with others.

What is it?

Reflective writing uses prompts and reflection on the prompts to move towards better health. In the workshops, we pause to examine the writing and our thoughts about it and consider its impact. This type of writing is different from a diary or most people’s ideas about journaling; it asks you to consider the possibility of reframing the stories we hold about our lives.

Do I have to consider myself a writer?

It is not designed solely for writers, and no, you do not have to share your work; the writing is personal.

Each workshop has been engaging and the feedback very positive. Participants are thoughtful, willing to do the writing, and respectful of each other. I continue to learn more about this process and look forward to conducting more of these workshops in 2020. Feel free to contact me if you have questions or you can comment below.

~ Ramona

Day of Reflection and Preparation

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Last week, I devoted one day—I call it my Quiet Day—to a day of quiet reflection and preparation for the year ahead. This has been an annual practice and it is my way to start the year in a less rushed state of mind. I don’t bother with resolutions, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. Nearly 20 years ago, I went through the training to earn a certification in coaching, and even though I no longer coach clients, I still use many of the tools when I want to work towards change in my life.

I began with a look at my 2018 calendar, going week by week to see how I had used the days. I remembered little victories, trips I took, days where I stayed home and enjoyed working in my yard. I thought about the people I spent time with, the meetings and events I attended, and then I wrote down on one sheet of paper the highlights of the past year. It is easy to quickly forget what we have done, felt, or experienced. I saw many happy, positive moments, and the exercise also helped me see where I had spent time doing things that I did not feel were in alignment with my goals, values or needs. Nothing to feel bad about, just something to observe.

Once I had looked over the past year, it was time to dream ahead. I identified a few areas where I want to focus, of course, one is my writing, and then I thought about the steps I would have to take to move forward. I felt a strong desire to try a new thing this year, perhaps something that is a stretch for me. I have not yet pinned down exactly what it will be; I have a few ideas, but I am certain the answer will come to me soon.

This morning, a question popped up as I mulled over an invitation. My inclination is to sometimes say yes, forgetting that no is also an option, often because it’s nice to be included, I am truly interested or curious, I like the people, the place, or the issue, or a sense of if I can, I should. But today I asked myself, “What is most in alignment with my goal or need for this moment, for this day?”Only then did I realize that although participating might be a good thing, it was not the best thing, for me, at this time. I’ve always said that as you get clear on your Yes, the No or Not Right Now becomes more apparent.

Because I can look back with gratitude and understanding that I am still learning, I can move forward with my dreams and goals for 2019, eager and excited to see how it all unfolds. Taking a quiet day is transformative for me, but it does not have to be done at the first of the year. Any time is a good time to look at your life and see if you are headed in the right direction.

November Writing Goal

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Reporter working at typewriter.

I am sitting in the middle of office clutter that I wouldn’t want you to see if you happened to stop by for a cup of tea and a chat. It is not junky, but it is not as tidy as I like. Pens of all colors fill jars, a tote bag, gray scarf, cough drops, and lip balm are nearby, and a stack of papers bump against my left elbow. I am ignoring all of it—right now it is more important to write than to clean.

You might remember two years ago when I did National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), a global event where you commit to writing 50,000 words during November. I participated, ended with more than the 50,000 words, and that stretch goal was a good exercise for me. I wrote a bit about what I learned here.

Now that book, or better said, draft, did not make it to the best seller list, but I enjoyed the journey into my characters’ lives, and it gave me the start for a different book I will complete one day. But this year I have decided to set a personal November writing goal.

It has been years since I have written a short story; I typically write nonfiction. But this month I am going to complete a short story that has been dancing around in my head for months. I will finish the first draft, and at least begin the initial round of revisions. I’m just starting out, so it is hard to say how long it will be, certainly longer than flash fiction (under 1,000 words) but no more than 8-10,000 words. I’ll let you know each Monday how I’m doing.

The office cleanup will have to wait.

 

Walking Away Money

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Several years ago, I left a job that I mostly enjoyed, planning to take a one-year sabbatical to sort out what my next move would be. I was a development officer, also known as a fundraiser, for a large midwestern university with national name recognition. I believed in the programs for which I fundraised, the visual and performing arts, scholarships, endowments, and I met amazing benefactors, many of whom I still maintain friendships with. But I knew I needed a change, wanted to explore some of the stories that I carried in my head and heart. I had been able to spend time with highly creative people—artists, musicians, sculptors, actors, and writers, while in that position. When we had time, I asked about their processes, how they studied, when they found the time to practice and create. Continue reading →

May- early mornings, writing, and ritual

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Montpelier bridge

May has been a whirl of activity but let’s start with the 30-day challenge I began in April. My goal was to wake up every day, at 5:18 am, for 30 days. I missed a couple of days, primarily because after the second weekend I asked myself, “Why are you getting up this early on the weekend?” I modified the challenge and did not set an alarm on Saturdays and Sundays; however, even without an alarm, after about four days I found myself naturally stirring around 5:15 am.

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Rising early set me up for the next goal for May. I had been accepted for the Vermont College of Fine Arts Novel Retreat, which took place May 15-21. This experience was positive and affirming for me as a writer because I was able to accomplish a few goals I established for the retreat:

  • Spend hours a day writing, starting a new (and lengthy) project that I want to write,

Continue reading →

Simplicity

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Eden Park, Cincinnati, Ohio – May 2017

I have been clearing my closets—of clothes I don’t wear, or outfits that represent a life I no longer live. I didn’t need so many white blouses; I am convinced that those many years of wearing uniforms in grade school could be part of the problem. There is something about the crispness of a starched white blouse that says I am ready to work, whether it is cotton, eyelet, or linen, long-sleeved or sleeveless. But I had accumulated more than I needed.

I walked around my home, rummaging through shelves, opening doors, and looking for items I kept but no longer appreciated. Anything that was in good condition became a candidate for donation, to Goodwill, the women’s shelter, or the homeless center. I want to streamline my life, prune it of the extraneous and unnecessary, so I can focus on the activities that matter to me, like my writing and wellbeing.

You might think that clearing clutter means that I no longer shop. To the contrary. In fact, my style of simplicity is informed by the notion that I am more thoughtful about what I purchase and would rather save more and wait to get what I really want and treasure, rather than buy something that I will tire after one wear or use. It means that because I don’t eat meat, I willingly pay a bit more for a luscious piece of fruit, maybe organic, because that is how I would rather spend my money. I saved for a new dresser recently and I am eagerly awaiting its delivery today, because it is the first one I have picked out for myself, even though I love the midcentury piece I inherited from my grandfather and have used it for decades. I chose this dresser, waiting for years until I found one I wanted, and that makes it special. My other dresser will find a place in another room; I will not give it away, not yet.

As I release some of my possessions I am also examining my use of time. I said no to a couple of projects and resigned from a board, and I decided that for this summer, I really want to have my family and friends here for visits, so I put these dates on the calendar first, rather than squeezing them in among obligations.

Curating my commitments has also led to more time for writing, which has become my priority after my relationships. Writing is also on my calendar; I schedule a block of time to write each day, Monday-Friday, leaving the weekends a bit more fluid. It is not a rigid schedule, of course I’ll change as things come up, but one way I honor my writing is by making time to do it. I will not finish the essays, blog posts or the book that are in me if I treat my writing with a “get in where you fit in” attitude.

It is a process of asking myself, almost daily, if what I am doing is going to lead me where I want to be—in writing, with relationships, wellbeing, etc. By pruning my life of excess, in my closets, unhealthy eating, junk news, I create a more open, expansive world, one that I hope is suited to helping me focus on my values, dreams, and goals.

Dominique Loreau, in her book, L’art de la Simplicite´, addresses this issue of examining our possessions and use of time to determine what we would discard, keep, or add to our lives. It is not about deprivation, but rather about being mindful of what we choose to own, do and focus on.

She writes, “It is better to live with high aspirations than mediocre realities.” Consider what inspires you to create a more positive life and surroundings, what assists you in the pursuit of your dreams. For me, it began with clearing my closets and my calendar.

 

 

 

NaNoWriMo – I Finished!

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Reporter working at typewriter.

 I did it! I wrote over 50,000 words for my novel during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). In NaNoWriMo, you are declared a winner by finishing 50,000 words, but I felt like a winner after the first week. As I said in my first NaNoWriMo post at the beginning of the month, this was a challenge to find out what I could accomplish with focused effort. I know that my novel needs more work and lots of revision, but it feels great to have started.

Some of the lessons I learned are: Continue reading →